Greetings from the high priestess of home mixology! I’m Lindsay Merbaum, queer feminist horror author and founder of Pick Your Potions, a small business specializing in custom elixirs for individuals, brands, events, film/tv, and books. (Especially books! Booktails—cocktails and mocktails embodying the mood and themes of contemporary reads—are the foundation of Pick Your Potions.) My shop offers themed recipe decks inspired by feminist horror, the Zodiac, the pagan Wheel of the Year, and more. In early September, The Mortal Goddess mocktail deck will be released, featuring mocktails recipes honoring figures like Patti Smith, Margaret Cho, Laverne Cox, AOC, and others. Pick Your Potions is also host to The Study Coven, an online independent study creative writing series with courses on ghosts, monsters, feminist horror, and related subjects.
Since creepy cocktails are my vibe, I just had to craft a What We Do in the Shadows cocktail for the 5th season premiere! (Plus it’s the perfect excuse to break out the skull-shaped ice molds.)
FX’s Emmy Award-winning mockumentary has everything a horror-comedy fan could ever want in a series: vampires, ridiculous accents, fun cameos (including Mark Hamill, Tilda Swinton, Paul Reubens, Rachel Evan Wood, Wesley Snipes, and pretty much everyone else who’s ever famously played a vampire), song parodies, fabulous one-liners, plus visits from other assorted magical beings, like werewolves, witches, and a ghost who resides in a little doll resembling her owner.
A spin-off of the 2014 movie by the same name, What We Do in the Shadows stars 4 housemates: Lazlo (Matt Berry) and Nadja (Natasia Demetriou), a married vampire couple who’d probably identify as non-monogamous if they knew what that meant; Nandor the Relentless (Kayvan Novak), a former warlord who once had 37 spouses, and Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch), a day-walking energy vampire with an office job who’s fond of sweater vests and feeds by annoying or boring others, including his roommates. Together, they inhabit a ramshackle mansion on Staten Island in New York Ci-tay, as they say.
The show’s true protagonist is Guillermo (Harvey Guillén), Nandor’s familiar, who literally knows where the bodies are buried and does everything from picking up dry cleaning to defending the clueless vampires from certain death. Guillermo is desperate to make the “unholy transition” himself, but Nandor has been blowing him off for over a decade. Another hitch in the plan: Guillermo discovers he’s a descendant of Van Helsing and has an innate knack for vampire slaying. The 4th season ends with Guillermo offering to pay a lonely vampire buddy to turn him: the 5th season trailer reveals he succeeds, but things aren’t going quite as expected. Also, Colin Robinson is running for office. Welcome to the hilariously absurd world of WWDITS!
Aptly named “Drunk Blood” for the vampires’ favorite (and singular) cocktail, the blood of an intoxicated human, this recipe is of course a sangria. Sangria is also a refreshing summer favorite, perfect for sharing at a watch party. For the wine base, a pinot is on the “bloodier” side, plus we can enjoy imagining Lazlo’s overly-enunciated rendering of “pinot noir.” I selected the Z. Alexander Brown Uncaged Pinot Noir for its lushness and notes of cherry and vanilla, which combine well with the fruit and spices. Also, the vampires love owls and get quite excited when they’re invited to a Super Bowl party, misreading the invitation as a “Superb Owl” party.
The wine is mixed with chilled pomegranate juice—pomegranates are the bloodiest of fruits, with seeds that burst, bleed, and stain. One of the world’s oldest foods, pomegranates originate in what is now known as Iran, where Nandor once ruled. The fruit has a sexy-dangerous reputation and symbolizes the life/death dichotomy in many cultures, including along the Mediterranean, Nadja’s ancestral homeland. The mixture is sweetened by a syrup seasoned with saffron, cardamom, and cinnamon for Nadja’s “spicy” characterization of her own blood, offered to a LARPing college student (Beanie Feldstein) in season 1, who doesn’t realize she’s about to become a vampire. Additionally, saffron has Greek roots, though today it’s cultivated in Iran, India, and Morocco too. (Colin Robinson would surely be down to lecture further on the history of the spice trade.) Cinnamon, as you may know, is an evergreen, a nod to Lazlo’s habit of sculpting obscene topiaries, among other bushy garden business. Finally, fresh lemons and limes add a “sour bite,” a reference to Lazlo’s bitter loss of baby Colin Robinson, who emerges from the original Colin Robinson’s dead body. Over the last season, the child rapidly grows back into the former adult, with no recollection of Lazlo’s devoted parenting.
Drunk Blood
Note: These ingredients are portioned for a single serving. To make a pitcher, simply multiply the recipe. Yields around 8 servings.
Ingredients
- 3 oz Z. Alexander Brown Uncaged Pinot Noir
- 2 oz chilled Knudsen pomegranate juice
- 1 oz spiced simple syrup (see recipe below)
- 2-3 lime wheels
- 1-2 lemon wheels
Instructions
Prepare the syrup. Once cool, add to a wine glass, goblet, or skull of your enemy, filled halfway with ice. Top with the juice and wine and stir gently, then add the fruit.
Spiced Simple Syrup
Ingredients
- 1 c water
- 1 c sugar
- 1 McCormick cinnamon stick
- 3 The Spice Way cardamom pods
- Pinch Fire Red saffron
Instructions
Stir all ingredients together and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and let simmer for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat, strain, then discard solids. Store in a glass bottle or jar and keep refrigerated.
For more magical cocktail inspirations, visit Pick Your Potions, subscribe to The Cauldron on Substack. Cheers, witches!
Lindsay Merbaum is a queer feminist horror author and founder of Pick Your Potions. Her booktails–cocktails and mocktails embodying the moods and themes of contemporary reads–have appeared in Electric Literature and the LA Review of Books. Other recipes have been published in All American Whiskey and Alcohol Professor. For more, visit www.lmerbaum.com, subscribe to The Cauldron on Substack, or follow @pickyourpotions on Instagram and TikTok.
